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Britney Spears releases new single “3,” officially stops trying

Published in Blog Archive, Culture Bully. Tags: .

Britney’s Manager: OK, what we’d like to do is keep the positive synergy between Britney’s new and old fans in high gear and make sure that we keep the energy up from her massively successful Circus tour by releasing a greatest hits album; covering her entire career, peaks and trophs—everything!

Jamie Spears: Love it, y’all! But you know we already did that in 2004, right?

Britney’s Manager: Yeah yeah yeah, doesn’t matter, in the pop-game 2004 might just as well be an eternity ago. Only real problem here is that the majority of the consumers in her target market already own all of the music—let alone the 2004 collection—that we’re going to re-release on this disc, so we’re going to need to spice it up with something new somehow.

Jamie Spears: OK, what’d y’all have in mind?

Britney’s Manager: This is asking a lot, but… a new track?

…One month later…

Jamie Spears: Here’s what we came up with.

…music plays…

Britney’s Manager: You don’t think that anyone will mind that it’s a throwaway extension of Circus that borrows liberally from “If You Seek Amy,” do you?

Jamie Spears: No one seems to have cared in the past, right? Let the haters hate, y’all!

Britney’s Manager: Yeah, I suppose you’re right.