Blog Archive

Posts, photos, podcasts and videos (2005-2020)

And Then What…?

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“The honey doesn’t taste so good once it is being eaten; the goal doesn’t mean so much once it is reached; the reward is not so rewarding once it has been given.” —the Tao of Pooh It came up in conversation this morning, the idea of “And then what?” Let’s say I find an ideal […]

Being the Party

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“I can be the party, but going to the party’s difficult.” That line says so much for how I’ve felt for most of my life. When people ask me what it was like when I was drinking, they don’t always seem to understand the isolation that was a part of it. Going all the way […]

Replacement Therapy

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Within the context of recovery, the word “renunciation” is a new phrase for me. In Refuge Recovery it’s explained as “the practice of abstaining from harmful behaviors.” Similarly, the term’s Wiki article pins it as “the act of rejecting something, especially if it is something that the renouncer has previously enjoyed or endorsed.” In looking […]

The Willingness

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Willingness might well be inversely proportional to how well things are going in my life. Then again, even in the challenging times, when my ass is wholly engulfed in fire, sometimes it’s hard to find the willingness to do what it takes to put out the flames. Why does the shelf life of my willingness […]

The Illusion of Relief

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The illusion of relief goes beyond “self-sabotage” or an internal voice of doubt – the illusion of relief goes deeper. The illusion of relief masks its harm as a justified solution. The illusion of relief sells itself as the only viable option. The illusion of relief looks like a safe harbor in the midst of […]

The True Burden of Self

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A week ago it dawned on me: some clarity around the egomaniac with an inferiority complex dilemma that so many of us share in. There’s a voice in my head, looking at me, judging me, critiquing my every action. Rarely does it scream – it exists as an ambient hum, always present yet rarely noticeable. […]

Always Elsewhere

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Tired. Dissatisfied. Lacking. Needing. Sleep. But what would all this look like if—upon waking up—the problem was fixed? What if that thing that was out of reach was now in hand? What then? What would life look like in the presence of occupied achievement? What happens in that space, feeling what’s real… What then? What […]

Kris Kristofferson at The Basement East (Nashville, TN)

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Photos of Kris Kristofferson taken May 16, 2018 at The Basement East in Nashville, TN.

On Wanting to Be the Type of Person Who Would Write Something like This

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I want you to know that as I write this, I’m listening to Wayne Shorter’s album JuJu. I want you to know that there’s no mention of JuJu on The New York Times’ 100 Essential Jazz Albums list, but that I was turned on to it in reading this list of Henry Rollins’ favorite jazz […]

On Forgetting This Ever Happened in the First Place

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Reading has been something I’ve really wanted to do more of since I first began respecting well-read, informed-sounding people… which means I’ve not been reading as much as I felt I should be reading since my teens. Let’s say this feeling has been with me for twenty years, give or take — that’s a long […]

Please Yourself

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December 2017… There was a little voice inside me saying, “Don’t do that because, really, who the fuck are you, anyways?” but in August I sent Ron Gallo an email asking for an interview. “Aside from your music,” I wrote him, “I’m really interested in talking about some philosophical ideas… for instance, I’d read (or […]

Bells Bend Park (Nashville, TN)

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Photos taken March 2, 2018 at Bells Bend Park in Nashville, TN.

Seasons Change, Two

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You’re back. Sugar, you — well, we might just talk for a minute before I get you that menu. I get it, hun, you’re hungry. We’re all hungry. OK. You know? Let me do you a solid though. This one here, this one’s not on any menu in this place. What’s this? Well, hun, that […]

On Nick Cave’s “Feat.” at the Frist

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We each went in, M and I, tied by agreement that we would only be allowed to take one — no: five, no: three — pieces with us when we left the Frist. For each of us, our first pick was the first piece we encountered: Nick Cave’s “Architectural Forest.” The installation piece is massive, […]

On “October Rust,” or: Goth at Heart

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Technically I’ve been to two Type O Negative shows, but my memory of both sets is practically non-existent. The first time around was when the band co-headlined a brief tour with Cradle of Filth, which stopped in at The Quest Club in Minneapolis in the fall of 2003. At the time, Cradle of Filth’s set […]

Seasons Change

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Winter cracks and soon the growth begins again. Weeks pass, roots develop, stems thicken, vines intertwine, flowers blossom, trees bloom. It’s all growth of some kind. But as spring turns into summer and summer into fall, what was once ripe now dries and fades. Limbs crack, some breaking only slightly, some completely, but with a […]

Why Won’t You Listen

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It was a familiar path until instead of veering left we veered right. Had we not made one more left where I thought there should have been a right we would have never discovered the message. The doors of a restroom, padlocked shut for the season, were adorned with decoration. “Why won’t you listen,” read […]

Edwin Warner Park (Nashville, TN)

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Photos taken February 18, 2018 at Edwin Warner Park in Nashville, TN.

On “Push the Sky Away,” or: Barriers to Entry

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I’m thinking back to all the bonus discs that used to come with the CDs I purchased. Sometimes they weren’t bonus discs, add-ons to a single CD, such as CD-ROMs. You’d insert the CD into your computer, hope that a compatible version of Quicktime was downloaded, and away you’d go. Primus’s Rhinoplasty, for example, had […]

Clean

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It’s a Friday night in February. It’s the 16th. The weather is chilly, and the sky has been grey for about a week and a half. Yesterday was up in the 70s, while the rest of the stretch has been cold and rainy. I’ve done everything I can to convince the gods to correct this […]

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